Part IV: My Tall Ship ~She’s sailing the Wild Seas

In those moments of almost asleep – the ‘tween times that can be so curious; sometimes enchanting,  sometmes strange, often peaceful, often intuitive –  my thoughts went to my Tall Ship, as they often do these healing days.  As I fall asleep, I check in with my Tall Ship, and see what she needs and feel what she’s feeling. Once again, I was surprised how my Tall Ship shared a story I wasn’t expecting. Oh, but I do love this one!

{Readers, for this to make sense, there is a series about my Tall Ship visualizations that are helping me and it starts here}

I awoke from ‘almost sleep’ so connected to the energy of what I’m about to share, that there’s not a thing in the world that would have me sleep instead of basking in the exhilaration.

TAll Ship XI – Sailing the Wild Seas
Janet L. Whitehead © 2008

Imagine a very fine tall ship, one with many more sails than this painting.. with more length, more depth, layers of decks, intricate ladders and spiralling railings…  the bow now adorned with a sculpture of a golden grizzly bear, and there are carved symbols running the beam of the ship that could only have been written by enchanted beings.

The painting here is not this Tall Ship… but the energy of the ‘tween time visualization’ reminded me of this painting.

And that energy?

Imagine wild wild seas with waves that spill over the entire ship before the bowsprit emerges onto the crest of the next wave: A refreshingly cool sea, crystal blue frothing waters, cleansing, but wild wild…wonderously wild.

The Ship is in her glory!!! She is where she most loves to be, where she feels most alive… strong and capable and exhilarated as she and the sea become one in an adventure of kindred spirits… challenging each other to be more wild, more beautiful, becoming synchronized like an awe-inspiring and very dramatic ballet. This is where trust and intuition rule, and fear can make no sense of the love and the fun that exists, and so, simply leaves.

I know this feeling. I love this feeling.  During this healing time, I ask myself things like “What makes you feel most alive?” The answer has come back: In my 20 foot tournament boat in a huge Shuswap storm… exactly where most people think a tournament boat ought not to be, but exactly where the water, the boat, and I can dance. A place where I know my skill, confidence, trust, and ability to feel ‘boat, wave and me’ as one, throws me into  ‘the zone’ of exhilaration, adventure, pure ‘in the moment-ness’, and includes full on cheering by all in the boat,  as we crash over each wave without losing a single person. ~smile~ Yes, even the ‘crew’ tends not to be scared when I’m having so much fun.  Well, at least if it’s my daughters… they trust me in a storm. And just so you know, there’s no foolishness involved in these stormy adventures… even if the boat went down, the cap’n has been prepared and she and the passengers would be fine. ~really!~  And there’s been other ‘most alive’s’ with other ships in stormy adventures on the ocean, where I wasn’t captaining.. just a passenger ecstatic to be there, although wishing like heck that I was steering!

As I head into the final round of the ‘full’ protocol of chemo, you can imagine how good it feels to connect to the energy of that grand ship in high seas: strong, confident, exhilarated, and being in its full potential.  Physically, I’m weaker than I’ve ever experienced. I know I’ve done quite well on chemo, but it, in itself, is not fun. It is debilitating.  I get sad when I’m not able to see the little ones because a family member is ill, and my immune system is too low.

And so, today, it just feels so amazing to remember and connect with the ‘ship in a wild storm’ feeling!!!! Because, after all, Imagining it makes it true.

(I know that is a whole ‘nother blog post to explain the truth in that… for now, please know this: Two olympic athletes who know their sport well: One completes a session of training in the  physical sense, the other completes a session of training using only his imagination to visualize it.  Both will show similar levels of increased heart rate and even increased muscle tone and strength, and with both, their training sessions contribute to increased performance at events. That’s what I mean by, “Imagining makes it true.”)

There’s a lot of other things that have helped me during surgeries and chemo.  Part of what has been helping me  is that I accepted not doing things that I really wasn’t up to doing… not an easy thing for me, but it happened. I even put the paddleboard away a month ago, when even 5 minutes felt more exhausting than energizing. I accepted, as much as I could, that the stresses in my life are, in reality, huge, but that I had no energy to deal with them and unless they relate to my immediate medical and health care, they would have to wait. I accepted being as nice as possible to me, because I know the value of that; I help others learn to do this, and well, it felt like a challenge to push that belief to the extreme, with a sense of accountability to all whom I’ve coached.  I keep giving myself permission to do what feels good in a moment, an hour, or a day. It all helps me.
I also know my treatments, the drugs to support my treatments, my eating plan, my supplement plan… they are also helping hugely. But that’s technical details I can share another time if someone wants to know. (If you want to know, let me know!)

And more than anything, what’s helped is the support .. the unbelievable spirit lifting support of family and friends. Wow.

But in all this, I also know these visualizations have, in their  magical way,  helped me tremendously mentally, physically, emotionally, creatively and spiritfully… especially spiritfully!

And so I trust, even as I still have a bit to go before my body gets to be on the ongoing uphill of healing, that I can imagine this feeling of my Tall Ship in the Wild Seas, and know that it’s getting me there quicker. It won’t be long before I can choose to do what makes me feel alive and know my body will  support me.

Yo ho Yo Ho!

ps. What makes YOU feel most alive? I’d love to know!