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Monthly Archives: June 2012

The Magic? Gamine, Ganesha and Pianos in the Night

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“Whisp Well” She showed up in a sketch within hours of surgery. Not my drawing style at all.. but I’m glad she arrived. I do remember thinking “hmm, it’s being drawn mirror image.” I now call her “Gamine”

Sooo, where’s the magic in all of this?

Quick version intro to my missing magic: Out of necessity it’s been quite a left brain world for me. It’s a full time job, this.  Plus, one doesn’t say to a doctor, “You know, intuition says something isn’t right here” and expect redo’s of tests and consultations with top breast cancer experts. My research has had value. I’ve been heard and the medical process is.. well.. in process.. but in a way that I feel the doctors have done their due diligence, and steps are the best that they know to do.  So. Trust. Done what I can in that area right now.. and now even if it’s just words sometmes, I will keep practising “Trust.”

But the magic – I felt abandoned.

I’ve watched (and been deeply touched) as people have acknowledged me with magical images and faerie wishes, and food, and hugs, and love.  I’ve gratefully accepted body talk energy work being done distantly throughout the process. And beautiful reiki hands on.  I knew my left brain had to be where it was to process, to keep appointments, to have tests, to try and figure out finances and logistics of me not working, and especially to find the way to ensure that doctors understood and followed through for me to get the best treatments.

And although it’s good for the brain to take on a whole new level of learning in a whole new area and, when in ‘observer’ mode, I noticed I was intrigued with the mental processes kicking in to the degree I felt I needed;  I also noticed I felt no connection to spirit and guides and the ‘more than what we can see.’

As those around me shared magical messages and uplifting and enchanting images,  I had moments of ‘Really?” “Am I at all magically inclined?” and ‘Excuse me.. but where’s my synchronicities, the signs, the assurance that ‘the more than what we see’ are nearby?”

As the left brain processed, I really felt a disconnect. Even moments of feeling ‘abandoned.’

An epiphany happened to change all that:

I was in the waiting area, prepped and ready to go in to surgery to  have a masectomy. I had a moment of “Janet, do something! Do your magic! What kind of spiritfull connect can you do! You’ve not been doing anything!” Then, I felt this calm flow over me and a thought: “Others are holding space for you. Everyone else is doing your magic with you.” And I felt one of my guides nearby.. a rather wizardly fellow, he is.. He’s always a sure sign that I am connecting clearly.  And I thought “Wow.”  The epiphany wasn’t that he was there, it was recognizing that I could trust that others… guides, yes.. but people.. I could trust that other people could do for me what I felt I was not.

Wow.  I needed that. Because moments later I was falling to pieces in tears on the operating room table.. also a surprise for me, and clearly important. I’m a ‘big strong girl’.. I hadn’t grieved this crazy process and losing a darn cute little breast. It was there that I had that chance. Because I knew others were holding the calm, healing, and magical space for me.  Anyone reading this.. you know who you are. My family, friends.. sharing wonderful thoughts and words of encouragement … in person, by phone, by email, on facebook.  Do know you are more powerful than you know.

And that experience, my dears, excited me! The magic was coming through/with others and I could watch for that!

And I want to share more of that.. the experiences that give me the shivers and the sense of ‘all is well.’ And that reveal surely that the ‘more than what we can see’ are nearby.

Ganesha…

The day before chemo was to begin I went paddleboarding on my  own to a little lake to feed my water loving, nature loving, board loving soul. Earlier in the day, a friend had sent me this image:

Ganesha, the Hindu God of success and remover of obstacles”

After my paddling, I was heading down the highway and a family waved to stop me. They were an East Indian family travelling to Banff for holidays and in the chaos of crying babies in Merritt, they’d grabbed coffee but forgot to get gas.  I was happy to help them by driving the mother and grandmother into town to get fuel and then drive them back out to their car.  As we drove and talked and shared, I realized not only was the woman likely in the medical field, they were very spiritual. I felt I must mention the image of Ganesha shared today. And with just a muttering little mention, we all three just knew that we were meant to meet. In a knowing way, the woman and her mother gave me blessings and we all knew we had touched some ‘magical’ place… one that doesn’t need to be, nor can it be, explained, but that is divinely arranged.

And then there’s Gamine….
Richard Wagamese and Debra Powell donated a little bed to my home just in case I need people to have sleepovers.  Richard is an award winning aboriginal author who through writing, storytelling and presentations has the messages that can change the world.  As they visited me in my ‘left brain – get organized’ world,  he pointed to the word he’d created out of my original word “imagine.”

“Gamine means Young, Spritely and Girl-like,” he said, ‘and that is you.”   I could feel tears begin as he continued to speak to me of Creator and me as Creator, and I felt so blessed that there sat Richard and Debra sharing the messages that I most needed to hear. And again, could not hear on my own.

And then there’s the Piano in the Night

A dear friend came to sleepover in the new little guest bedroom after my first day of chemo. In the morning I got up and she was whipping about the house saying, “My, you have an active home at night!”

“What?” I asked.

“Well, the piano played all night. It was the most beautiful music.”

And I smiled. And I think I cheered, “Oh Good!” And it simply did not matter that I didn’t hear it. The music played.

~~~~~~

Background info on the diagnosis and journey is here.

Practising the art of “How can I make this fun?”

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Today I practise the art of “how can I make this fun?

Taking the granddaughers to help pick out a nice new short haircut so we can all see how ‘fun it is to get a wild haircut and how cute Nana will be when her hair grows back after it’s temporary disappearing act.”

Truth is I AM excited about the haircut part… this will be fun!

I’d contemplated letting Evalee cut it.. what 5 year old kid doesn’t want to cut hair? But I realized she’d be heartbroken if I looked really bad after. Hoping the short  hair now also eases 20 month Lainey into ‘not being scared’ by Nana’s sudden bald head in a couple/few weeks.

Visualizing coming home and posting what a successful event this is..  ~smile~

Later: It was a success! The hairdresser wrapped all the long hair in an elastic and ‘clip!”  Evalee even got to help.  I love my new hair-do. Evalee picked it out.. Less wild than I might have chosen.  Loved seeing how she contemplated choices. Long on one side, shorter on the other.  Umm..I love it so much that I’m less inclined to want to lose it… darn, short is cute. I used to wear it in all varieties of styles. Then one day, I found a shampoo and conditioner that actually let my wild locks grow long less wildly. Isn’t it just so hard to cut long hair once you have it?  I’m looking forward to short and funky – hey maybe I can use the ‘kept’ locks to make a crazy extension on one side.  BECAUSE  who the heck knows what else I’ll do with them.

This is what I wrote on the envelope containing my locks:

“My Hair Cut
It looked much prettier on my head
No, I won’t make it into Christmas Ornaments like I teased, Courtney.
I might do a little magic, though”

Soul Whisperings of the Creative Spirit

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… especially for those with a creative calling – even if you’re not ever getting to it!

There is a pathway to spirit, soul, intuition, and connections to the ‘more than what we see’ that is so easily accessible for some that it is dismissed ‘unlikely’ and few truly recognize its potential for miraculous discoveries.

And that pathway is simply this: If you are creatively inclined, or always yearning to be creative, then show up. Show up to your creative process.. in any way, shape or form. Even if you aren’t sure what your ‘true calling’ is, show up to something.

‘Showing up’ is the yoga of the creative being. “Being in the zone” is their meditation. The process (not the product) is where the creative person opens the door to the whisperings of their soul, the channellings of spirit, and the magic of… okay.. honestly? …the magic that can begin to happen is almost ridiculously and unbelievably amazing.

I know. I’ve experienced it.  When characters, who initially introduced themselves as faeries, (and later fine-tuned this to ‘realm travellers’) showed up in my clay.. well, I wasn’t exactly pleased. “That’s not art!” I cried out. “I’m trying to connect to spirit here, what do you have to do with it?” I complained.

It’s a long story what happened from there; so long that it’s now a nearly complete novel. But for now, I will say, the doors to new thinking, intuition, easy access to spirit, and ‘impossible things becoming possible’ flung wide open. Not just while I was creating, but life as a whole shifted to something new and magical.

There’s little being modelled or taught in our logical left brain world, nor a lot in our alternative wellness world, that has supported the creatively-inclined to recognize the immense spiritual value of showing up regularly to any or all things that might be called ‘creative.’   These ‘creative things’ can range from the obvious visual, performing and written arts to the less obvious; inventing, mind mapping and stream of consciousness thinking, high risk individual sports (really!),  to living life ‘differently,’ and to one of the most powerful and easiest accessible: imagination.

Unsupported in the left-brain world, the individual creative person finds many reason not to show up to their calling; not enough time, not feeling like you are ‘good enough’, perfectionism, overwhelm, procrastination (we are the masters of that one!), fear of failure, fear of success, not giving it the same value as more commonly recognized self-awareness paths … well, the list can get pretty long.

If this is you, you’ll know the yearning to show up to your creativity doesn’t stop. You might feel guilty for not showing up, and guilty when you do because you ‘ought to be doing other things.’ But there is a part of you that always wants to get to your creative process.

For those whose gift to connect to spirit is through their creative process, there may even be unconscious fears around this unknown feeling of ‘other worldliness’ that happens if you allow yourself to go there.  Liken this statement to those who have prophetic dreams and visions, but will do whatever they can to avoid exploring this more because it is scary to go into the unknown alone and unsupported.

You’ve all witnessed singing performances where you knew the singer was connecting to angels. Possibly you’ve seen an artist in the zone of creating and realized there is much more going on than just paint on a canvas. Very likely you’ve seen friends who excitedly come up with the most bizarre ideas that you are certain have come from some inspired ‘out there’ place.

And you may personally know people gifted with a fabulous voice or amazing art,  who don’t show up to their gift and you wonder why… they may be the ones who don’t even recall their performance or doing their art, so ‘out there’ were they, and without an understanding of what is happening, it can be frightening.

If you are yearning to be more in touch with your creative side, you too have the ability to hear the whisperings of your soul in a way that is truly and uniquely yours. A great first step is to simply ponder the possibility. A good next step is to  give yourself permission to ‘show up’ to a creative calling for just five minutes. Just five minutes.. that’s do-able, right?

By

Janet L. Whitehead    ©2011

Certified Life Coach and Creativity Coach

Musings and Mud Coaching Studio
“Your inspired life begins here”
www.musingsandmud.com

Orginally published in Yoga Tree Magazine 2011

Kemo Kimo – The Magic Song

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Nola, thanks for sharing this this morning, the day before I start chemo, moments before I take the first drug to prepare.   Talk about spirit lifting! And the catchy tune is already playing in my mind!

Thoughts the weekend before chemo begins

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I noticed that breast cancer didn’t come with an administrator as it ought to.  Surely losing my hair will come with a facelift?

This weekend.. especially feeding my soul.

Today: A playdate with my daughters and granddaughters at the Enchanted Forest in the pouring rain. So lovely. My girls don’t say ‘no’ much to me these days.. I took advantage of that to go on this very wet but magical road trip.  Shuswap Pie company was something they wouldn’t have said no to anyway. ~snicker~   Evalee has been wanting to go to Disneyland.. the Enchanted Forest is becoming more and more like Disney.

Adventure included a pause in the forest to breath and call in magic.  And leave little thoughts for the faeries.

Today I explained to Evalee what was happening. I hope I did that okay. She’s going to go with me to get a haircut this week. Ah, sweet children… Life isn’t simple. I will try to make even this fun.  And Lainey? I just hope me losing my hair doesn’t scare her.

Tonight I smudged my home. A whole new healing journey is about to begin. Smudging seemed like an appropriate start.  I did a great job. I am such a darn great smudger.. and I wonder why I don’t ‘get to it’ all that often.  As I smudge I direct all energies that no longer serve us well to leave, and I invite love and other wondrous energy to fill that space. I can feel the gentle shift. Anyone want their home smudged?

Tomorrow I have a plan too. 1. Paddleboard somewhere in the great outdoors. 2. Get clear on my priorities for the next 5 months.   These are key: Heal, Movement, Awareness. Noticing the magic. Feeling the love.   And then there’s the projects!  As a life coach, I know very well how so many projects can ‘sit’ if one doesn’t know which one to begin with. I know  how easy it can be to be overwhelmed. As a person healing, it’s even more important to get clear now.  Simplify. Choose the projects that feel the best and feel do-able. Know I’ll get to others later.

Tomorrow I’ll visualize five months from now. And then hold onto that vision as this unknown, unexpected, unwelcomed process begins. But I concede that that is my logical human self saying all those ‘uns’     I do know there’s so much more to this than a bunch of ‘uns’  … I will stay curious, creative, and bask in the love and support of all around me.  Much to discover. And heck, space to get some projects done!

I’d still be good with some discovery in all my tests that says.. “Oops! Wait! She doesn’t need chemo!”   All this preparation this weekend is good for the soul, anyway. ~smile~

Onward. Yo ho yo ho.

Sparkles on my face.

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Ahh, good. The chemo purse, more nicely known as the Magical Healing Purse.. is already working.

The last few days have been crazy. In amongst trips to buy and learn a ton about drugs..(no, not recreational, although maybe I’ll make them recreational) there were many calls from the hospital.. Can you come for chemo training?  Can you come for a ct scan?  Next day: Can you come for an ultrasound? Home again.  An hour later:  Can you come back for a mugga scan?  Now that one made me laugh as I asked ‘what’s a mugga scan?”   Like a mug ‘o coffee only more scan-like?

They really ought to name these tests in a more fun way.  Even a little name.. mugga scan.. was able to switch my energy from ‘seriously.. something else?”   to  curiousity and a giggle.

Maybe when one begins this process, the questionnaire should say, “do you have a sense of humour?” and then we get funny names for our tests.

By the time of the muga scan, though, I was anxious. Really, people, I just want to play right now. I’ve learned too much, have still too many questions, so many unknowns.  I just want to play.  So two things happened that helped:

The muga scan is a long test for the heart, and radioactive, I might add.  I decided I would see how relaxed I could get doing meditation.  I thought it was rather cool when the alarms all went off because my heart beat had slowed so much.   Good for me.  An affirmation that I can calm and be peaceful during the days/ weeks to come. They changed settings so that wouldn’t happen and I actually then had a nice nap.

And then, hopping in my car to head home, I glanced in the mirror. And there were faerie dust sparkles on my face. That made me smile. My chemo purse is working.

Chemo Purse Recipe.  aka  Magical Healing Purse

Find a purse with many pockets. A big purse. Decorate zippers with trinkets (Mine:  pirates, anchors, keys and brass pieces with words like ‘laughter’)  Tuck inside:  artist pens, tiny artist sketch cards, a deck of cards (oh! mine are pirates of the caribbean), a bundle of homemade inspiration cards from Jill.  Current favourite book inserted. Include intention to actually draw directly on purse whenver you want.  Add one pinch of faerie dust.    Ta da! The purse is ready to inspire.

I loved that the faerie dust landed on my face today.  Good purse.

Turning Chemo Good with Bad Poetry.

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Yesterday’s poem:

C is for Chemo
H ell, that just kind of sucks
E is for Elmo
M y he is making big bucks
O. Whatever.

Trying again today…

There once was a concoction called chemo
It’s a bit like that fish they call Nemo
To do good is his plan
Ya,  some things get out of hand 
But happy endings are the result of his schemo.

okay.. that’s improving in attitude..

Later:

Like a swashbucklin’ Cap’n Jack Swallow,
Causing havoc that’s a bit hard to follow,
But despite his drunken swaggering way,
He akwats wubs… or I could actually put my fingers on the right keys and say,
He always wins in the most adventurous ways.

 

Definately a movie theme happening here.

My ‘signature’ poetry is bad.. You should see what
my family have put up with on birthday cards.
 I’m proud of how bad it is.
I welcome your small and crappy really bad
poetry or even good poetry!

ps. the series of events that leads me to
write bad poetry is here if you’d like to
know what the heck has led me to write
bad poetry about chemo!

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