The Elusive “More”… Altogether now…

Not a big surprise that many of my conversations with others these days meander around to health and wellness: My health, their health, practising the art of wellness… and the like.

Tonight’s conversation is the same story I hear constantly. Consistently. Routinely. Different twists, but same same. I wish, en masse, I could help the world see things differently… even just on this one habit in our thinking that has been instilled into us since we were children: “I’m not good enough.”

Here’s the conversation:

“…but,” I say, “you’ve looked after yourself very well.”

“No, not really,” she answers.

“You eat well, you walk often, you are doing volunteer work you enjoy and that keeps you mentally active, you are using the skills that are your expertise, you have a social life…” I ramble on. (She’s over 75. She’s rockin’ it.)

“Umm…Yes,” she answers haltingly as she processed what I said, but then very quickly added, “but I could do more.”

Yup, that’s the clincher. Never thinking that what we are doing  is good enough. Never acknowledging what we are already doing well. Always beating ourselves up for not doing some elusive ‘more.’ It is an ingrained thought habit, and wow, is it ever fed by media.

“The only ‘more’ you could do that would help your wellbeing is to stop saying “I could do more,” I suggested.

She snickered and agreed. She got it. I hope it lasts more than an hour before the old thinking habit comes back.

Okay, altogether now: “I’m good enough!”

Ya ya.. I know. First thoughts are all the things you need to improve. Pretty please, just for a moment… can you find one area of your life that you can say, even hesitatingly for starts, “I’m  good enough!”?

Or you could go for the biggie:  “I Rock!”

Me? I could beat myself to the ground for all kinds of things that I have not done ‘perfectly’ in my life, if I listened to everything the media, the ‘experts’, and the foodies say about how I got to the point of dealing with cancer. It’s a challenge enough to keep spirits lifted and manage treatments and keep going forward… can you imagine how hard it would be to be sitting here beating myself up in the process?

There are, in fact, no answers… not one fact… about how I got here. If I constantly drained my energy imagining the elusive ‘more’ I should have done or should be doing, there’d be no energy left to go out and snowshoe, to play with the little ‘uns, to hang out with muse friends, to write a blog post, to work on my book, to paint my tall ships, to find the funny in things, to dance under the willow tree, to make jokes about my Eddie Munster hairline, or even to plan a decent meal. And those are the things that are healing me. Good enough, I say.

(Coming soon to a blog near you: “Finding a less elusive more, if the “I could do more” is beating it’s way to the top of the thought factory anyway.”)

I do believe in Me. I do! I do!

In the tub, off in the world of thought that may have included faeries although I wasn’t paying that close of attention, I found myself hearing a little voice in my head* singing, “I do believe in me. I do. I do.” (chanted in the same way as in the movie “Peter Pan”- while Tinkerbell was fading away, but because Peter and the world joined in to chant “I do believe in Faeries. I do. I do,”  Tink’s spark returned and all was well again in the magical world!)

I had to smile. I’d been thinking about what was one key thing that most empowered the people I work with, and friends, and me….   I’m pretty sure the chant came to mind just to answer the earlier thoughts.  (Well that, and this whole faerie connection thing I have)  And really, it does come down to ‘acknowledging oneself”. .. being able to recognize the amazing person that you are.      

Not so easy.  You can read all the time about “you have to love yourself before you can do this, or that…..”  But exactly how do you get there when our world hasn’t exactly been kind to those who say, “I am such an amazing person!”  “I am so smart!”  “Damn, I look beautiful today!” or “I am so in love with me!” or “Wow, that’s the most brilliant idea EVER!”

Instead, people have been known to go so far as to avoid telling a child how extraordinary they are, because “they might get a big head.”   There’s something rather sinister about that, don’t you think?

“Don’t brag.” “He’s so full of himself.” “Show some humility.”  “Conceited” (oh, look! I don’t even know how to spell that word!) 

How about this scenario?  Child shares their wonderful accomplishment, and adult finds fault to ‘encourage them to work harder.”   Okay, maybe I’m being a bit harsh.  I see that I could turn this into some sort of rant.  But really, I think this was a standard of educators and some parents in the ‘old old days.’  The new parents are soo soooo much wiser.  Thank Gom.

Fact is, when I get to witness a client  recognize their strengths, their beauty, their uniqueness… I am also witnessing them moving forward towards their dreams at top speed.   It’s surprising how quickly one can come around to appreciating and believing in themselves after a lifetime of doubting.  No, it doesn’t happen overnight.  And there are moments of slipping back into old and limiting thinking.  That’s when it is especially nice to have a coach who can see this happen and help bring them back to their much more empowered state of being.

“I do believe in me. I do. I do.” I love it. I’m going to go make a T-shirt on Zazzle just as soon as I’m finished this post!

And the faeries are happy I was thinking of them.  But that’s another blog all together!www.iffaerieswerecoaches.wordpress.com

  

For the t-shirt, tote and other fun stuff.. www.zazzle.com/janetwhitehead*

I wasn’t kidding I really made the T shirt and tote.  Comes with a faerie just in case she needs to remind you to believe. In you.  and in faeries, too, of course.

 

Look! here’s an image!

 

* voice in my head.    come on, just because I talk about faeries and such, don’t be using this phrase to convince yourself I must be crazy!  I’m about the most credible person I know.